


gone, i’m gone

by leon_kinda_sus



Series: come home with me (the bedehop chronicles) [2]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Crying, Depression, Gen, Hop needs a hug, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicide, a lot of it, apologies to the three (3) people who know what’s coming, but it doesn’t help, he gets one, i guess?, major tw for this im sorry, not beta’d, the most angst i will ever write, title is hadestown again cuz I associate it with bede n hop a lot, yveltal is a good lad and will probably be a father figure but it’s ambiguous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 09:20:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25967260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leon_kinda_sus/pseuds/leon_kinda_sus
Summary: bede knows that hop is gone.hop thinks he was never really there to begin with.
Relationships: Beet | Bede/Hop, Hop (Pokemon) & Yveltal
Series: come home with me (the bedehop chronicles) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1884778
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	gone, i’m gone

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello this has a tw for a lot of bad thoughts and eventual suicide (though it isn’t too explicitly stated). if that triggers you please click off-stay safe <3

“I’m just tired.”

That was always the excuse.

Bede could see it in those sunken eyes, the once-lively gold fading away into a dull, haunted amber. Hop was falling away, and Bede couldn’t stop him. It was always just him being tired, or overrun with work, or some lame-ass excuse that was clearly made up. 

One particularly bad day, Bede speaks up, clearing his throat and glancing at his boyfriend across the table. “You’re upset.” he states.

Hop gives a confused head tilt, but Bede notices the way he sits up straighter and adjusts his facial expression. “Why do you think that?”

“You have been.” the gym leader sighs. “For a long time. You think I don’t notice?”

The other teen stiffens, awkwardly drumming the table with his fingers. “I’m alright, trust me.” he replies assuredly, but Bede isn’t fooled. 

“I’m not going to be mad if you just talk to me, Hop. I worry about you.” he pleads, standing up from the table. Hop scoffs.

“You wouldn’t understand.” he begins slowly. “I’ve spent my whole life like this.”

The words sting Bede, mostly because he’s angry at himself for not being there for his boyfriend. “I’ve gone through quite a lot myself, Hop.” he says softly. “Please, just talk to me.” 

Hop sighs, turning away from the other. “I don’t want to be a burden.” he starts. “That’s all I’ve ever been, right?” 

Bede is shocked, hesitantly reaching out a hand. “You aren’t a burden, I swear.” the gym leader reassures, but Hop swats him away. 

“Don’t.” he says, tensing up. His tone is cold and empty, and that’s when Bede knows he’s lost his love. “There’s nothing you can do, because I’m  _ absolutely fucking fine.”  _

“You’re not fine!” Bede retorts, a little more aggressively than he intends. Hop recoils like he’s been slapped, and the other boy immediately regrets it. Then, he smiles. It’s ear to ear, and it unsettles the gym leader immensely. There are tears leaking from those once-beautiful golden eyes that Bede had treasured when they were young and stupid. Hop is smiling, but he’s starting to visibly break. 

“Hop, I-i’m sorry.”

He  _ laughs,  _ loud and bordering on downright terrifying. “What’s there to be sorry about? You’re right-I’m not fine.” he almost sneers. Hop is completely broken down now, tears rolling down his cheeks at top speed as he laughs, doubled over. And Bede can only watch.

“It’s so fucking funny! I try, I try as hard as I can and it never gets better! Everyone I love tried to help, and I ended up pushing them away!” he screams. Asriel is nuzzled into Bede, crying out in fear. Hattie looks uncomfortable, resisting the urge to attack the overly emotional Trainer. 

“Hop, please calm down, you’re not yourself-“ Bede tries, breaking off when Hop grabs his shirt, nearly clawing at him.

“It’s never been me.” he says, and the worst thing about it is that he’s not laughing or crying anymore. His face is stoic, and his tone is devoid of emotion. “The me you fell in love with is the me that people see on the outside.” 

“The you I fell in love with is sweet, and cares for his Pokemon, and the real Hop.” Bede says quietly, lightly running his thumb down Hop’s cheek to wipe off a tear. “Please come back to me.”

“I can’t.” is the simple response after a good while of just sitting in each other’s presence, and the boy gives one last tearful smile-a real one, not the delusional one from earlier. “I’m so sorry. You deserve better than me.” Hop whispers, hugging Bede before opening the front door of his home in Ballonlea.

“Where are you going?” the gym leader asks, voice raspy from silent sobs. The young professor can only entwine his fingers with Bede’s.

“I need some time to myself. I’ll come home to you, I swear.” Hop vowed, inhaling a sharp breath. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” 

~*•*~

The den is freezing, and it’s the first time that he doesn’t have backup. It’s just him, facing down a Froslass. And yet, there’s a seemingly looming presence. Hop jolts as wingbeats flap above his head and the Froslass flees. Everything is blurry and he’s nearly positive that he’s bleeding internally. His fingers are blue and the tears running down his face are frozen. Hop could care less that a giant Pokemon is descending down to him, its menacing face seemingly trying to look kind. 

**“Hello, young one. It’s your time already?”** it asks, and Hop realizes through his tears that it’s Yveltal. He knows what this means, and he tries to sit up, considering he’s in the presence of a god.

**“Do not strain yourself. I can see that this was no accident, and I can only help you pass in peace.”** Yveltal soothes, despite its appearance.  **“Such a shame that some decide to pass over this young, but it’s just meant to be in those cases.”** it sighs(?), extending a wing to Hop. He suddenly feels lighter, and nothing hurts anymore.

“Am I gone?” he whispers. Yveltal nods sadly. The bird somehow looks sorrowful. 

**“I am sorry, my child. Despite my reputation, seeing those who pass before it is their time truly breaks my old heart.”** it sighs.  **“But, such is life.”**

Hop looks around wistfully, realizing after a moment that he’s back in Ballonlea, where he’d sadly walked out two months ago. Bede sits inside, looking worse for wear. He’s paler than usual, and his violet eyes are sunken in. Ribbons sits on his lap, mewling as her Trainer absentmindedly strokes her fur. Yveltal beats its wings again, and they’re at Hop’s childhood home. Leon is animatedly chatting over tea with their mother, blissfully unaware of his brother’s death. 

The next images are a blur, showing everyone in Hop’s life. He begins to regret, and then he sees him.

Their father.

And suddenly, dying isn’t so bad.

**“Are you ready to finally leave this place, young one?”** Yveltal asks, hovering next to the boy. Hop nods tearfully, latching onto the Legendary.  **“Then let’s go. And you once again have my condolences. It is not often that they go so young, but I suppose everyone has a fate.”** it muses.

And Hop is truly gone, though it’s only his physical form.

He supposes that he was  _ really  _ gone a long time ago.

~ _ fin. _ ~

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry discord i had to do it to em


End file.
